Fearful of Change, Not Anymore (Well, Trying)

Ever since I’ve been a little kid, I haven’t liked change. When my parents would move the furniture around in the family room for a “new look,” I would hate it and ask for them to move it back. They would tell me to give it a few days and almost always, after I gave it time, I ended up liking whatever that was different from before.

Now in my adult years, I still find myself sometimes shying away from change or things that are unfamiliar to me. That’s probably why I’m 25 years old and still living in the same city I’ve always been in. But that being said, I definitely feel ready for something new. Not because I feel stagnant here (because I really do love this town), but simply because I’m ready for a new adventure.

As I’ve mentioned in previous blog posts, my boyfriend Andrew is living in L.A for a medical Master’s program that ends in May but that can also lead into Medical school. He has been accepted to his current school for their Medical program (which will be another 4 years) but is still waiting to hear back from a couple other schools out of state before he decides. He is a freakin’ genius, by the way. At this stage of our 2-year relationship and after now doing long-distance for about 8 months (and counting), I’ve been planning on moving wherever he decides to go to Medical school. Yep, I’m an awesome GF. 😉

It’s a scary thought not knowing where I may or may not be moving to in just a few short months. I’m usually the planner who has my life mapped out months in advance and each week’s plans detailly scheduled in my phone calendar, so this is a huge stretch for me. I feel the growing pains, for sure. But, there is also something really freeing about not knowing what my life will look like in a few months. It forces me to focus on the #1 New Year’s resolution on my list, which is to focus on the “now” and not be so focused on the future. Honestly, it also forces me to truly put my faith in God and have to trust that He has something awesome up His sleeve that I don’t need to stress about.

A year ago, I probably would be freaking out over the possibility of moving to another state or even to Southern California. But, 2018+ Natalie is trying to take it day by day and not be fearful at the thought of change or of all the scary “what if’s” my mind automatically jumps to. What if I hate wherever I’m living?, What if I feel lonely?, What if I don’t find friends I connect with?”  Not today!

I’m changing my thinking to: “How should I decorate my apartment?, Should I get a puppy when I move?, Think of all the new restaurants you get to try! (Lol food is life), I wonder what interesting people I’ll meet?” I don’t know where I’ll be or what’s ahead in this upcoming year, but I do know that I’m going to stay positive, and hopefully, I’ll end up liking the change, just as my parents used to tell me I would.

Xoxo, Nat

2 Comments Add yours

  1. rclaine7@att.net says:

    Love this!


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